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I’ve been meaning to write about something that has been both surprising and very meaningful for me ever since I moved to Italy. I have been here on the investor visa for roughly five months now, and while there are many things I love about life in Italy, the social culture and corresponding human connections stand out more than all the other aspects combined. The food is great, the views are stunning, and the pace of life is, for the most part, everything I had hoped it would be. I say “for the most part” because…let’s not discuss bureaucracy today. I’ll save that particular joy for another time. I’m speaking about the social world here, because it has changed my life in ways I never expected.
What strikes me most is how easy it is to fall into a natural rhythm of rapport with others. Friendships form almost instantly. Activities present themselves without much effort. Someone is always inviting you out; someone wants to introduce you to someone else; or someone just loves talking for the sake of conversation. After five months here, I feel more connected than I ever did in close to thirty years living in Boston.
Italians exude a deep sense of community. They make time for each other; they take time to appreciate everyday life. No one seems to be rushing from one place or responsibility to another. Socializing happens organically and plans can come together at the very last minute. It feels like the complete opposite from my previous life back in the US, where everything was carefully planned out and heavily scheduled when it came down to socializing.
In Boston, meeting friends meant months of calendar coordination around children’s schedules and late work nights. Social life was planned and not spontaneous. Here, it happens without planning or effort.
Since arriving, I have joined two chess clubs, connected with a group of Arsenal supporters across Tuscany, become part of a warm circle of expat dads, and started playing golf at Ugolino. I volunteer once a week by helping a nine year old boy practice English. I often go to Friday game nights at a bar owned by a friend. Many evenings I end up on my terrace with my next door neighbor, an eighty year old woman who has more life in her than most people half her age. This week I am heading to an Albanian cultural festival. This weekend I am hosting a watch party for my son’s NCAA Elite Eight soccer game. I have dinners with teachers from the Italian school I once attended. I am learning backgammon with locals who enjoy long conversations about strategy. And yes, I still have a ten minute chat with my butcher every time I visit the macellaio.
All this has happened within just six months. Italy makes it so easy that you can have an active social life without any effort.
Being an extrovert helps, but even introverts tell me that in Italy connecting with people is easier than anywhere else they have lived. The dolce vita is not merely a catching phrase; it is very much alive and manifested in day-to-day interactions between human beings.
If you want to integrate more quickly, a few things help. Speak Italian as much as possible. Nobody cares about errors; Italians appreciate effort more than precision. Be open and smile; sometimes, a simple ciao can turn into a real conversation, then an invitation, and finally into a real circle of friends.
To start life somewhere new requires work, but in Italy it seems to come more naturally than in any other place I have ever lived. After so many years spent in America and having also lived elsewhere around the globe, I have never known a spot where connection occurs with such ease.
I wrote this longer version of the story on my own blog for those who are interested.
Italy has many gifts; the one that surprised me most is how quickly it makes you feel at home.
